I think the whole “self-love” thing is bullshit.
People preach to love yourself, be comfortable in your own skin and accept your imperfections but honestly, I think it’s because you’re stuck with yourself the rest of your life so you have no choice but to “love yourself”.
I think if there were some way people could magically change themselves into the person they want to be or their traits, they would jump on it. I mean, if I were six feet tall, had a supermodel body, perfect skin and were MENSA-smart, etc, and there were a button that could do all those things for me, I would press it in a heartbeat and be a lot happier.
Be honest: if given that opportunity, who would actually pass it up because they TRULY love themselves and embrace themselves for who they are? I doubt anyone would.
Also, the whole “accept yourself the way you are” is murder for self-development. People should be critical of how they are, and admire others for qualities they want, and aim to get them and better themselves. But instead of people accepting their flaws and try to get rid of them, they get pat and told what a special perfect snowflake they are.
Totally disagree. You have to accept yourself and your flaws before you can build yourself up on a solid foundation. There’s a huge difference between accepting your flaws as where you are at the moment and accepting them as what you are forever. Without self-love you’ll just beat yourself up over your flaws instead of being able to rationally work towards improvement.
I just need to let off some steam.
Just set up our Christmas tree and got to thinking tonight. I just have a lot of things to be grateful for and I feel like I need to write them down now.
- Recovery. I woke up this morning excited about snow, and then I got excited about being excited about the snow. It’s such a weird feeling, recovery. Like I’m being born again. With the bringing of each season all I can think is “This is the first spring/ winter/ fall/ summer I’ve been recovered, I wonder what’s going to make me happy this year!”. And everything feels new again. It’s just so amazing.
- Money. I’m thankful to have been in a family/lifestyle situation where I had the chance to work for a year and figure my shit out. I have 13 grand in the bank now and I feel like I’m really preparing for my future.
- Change. I know it’s a hard thing to appreciate a lot of the time, but I’m glad it happens. There are always good changes when you’re able to see them.
- My family. I know my history with my family over the years has been really rocky, but I’m just thankful that I have people who love me. People who know me so well. People who accept whatever’s wrong with me and love me anyway. I don’t know what I’d do without my mom, or my brother, or even my dad, they’re just the reason I belong.
- Friends. Shoutout to Zeynep and Shoshana, I’m so thankful that I have these girls who I can tell all my deep dark fuckup secrets to. I’m also thankful that I have lifelong friends and that I’ve realized who those people are. I’ve never really realized it before, but now I get how much it really matters.
God damn, have I ever missed this city. I mean, I know I have missed it. I’ve missed it for years. But isn’t it weird, when you come back home, how the smallest things can just strike you with nostalgia? Like the fact that I haven’t seen a magpie in years. Or how much I missed the sunlight in my face on Nose Hill. The smell of autumn. Taco Time, even though I’ve never even eaten there. It’s been happening over and over again these past few days and it’s driving my crazy and happy at the same time.
Sitting in the car today with my best friend it just hit me: this is my home. This is my place. This is my future. I don’t know what it is about this city but something about Calgary just makes everything seem clearer. The puzzle of wondering what I wasn’t from life just falls together in this town, and the truth is that I don’t belong anywhere else. I haven’t wanted to do art in years but when I’m home my creative itch is on me all the time. I can see my life here and I want it all. I want to live here. I want to build my future here. I want to fall in love and have pets and get married here. And although some part of me says its just excitement, I know the truth. I have to move back. I don’t care what it takes. I’m coming home.